Blank Sheet of Paper
by SVU427
Summary: EO songficspoilers: fault and informedBut he just stares at me And I just stare at him He don't know where to start To say he doesn't want it to end Now it's one hour later And I'm still a blank sheet of papersong by Tim McGrawR&R!


Disclaimer: NBC owns Law and Order SVU

Tim McGraw owns the song.

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Blank Sheet of Paper

Hey told her they couldn't be partners. It was his fault in the first place. She did end up leaving. She went to computer crimes, but that wasn't enough. She was still where they could see each other while working a case or walking down the hall. It doesn't do any good to be apart but still be together. Yes she came back, but leaving the first time was pointless. The next time she was offered a chance to get away, she took it. She ended up with Star Morrison undercover for one case as 'Persephone' and now all of a sudden she's gone. She obviously continued her undercover operation because she's not here now and no one seems to know where she went. Her phone's been disconnected; her apartment is already being rented out to some young law student. She's gone. She wasn't even allowed to tell her best friend where she was going. No one in the SVU squad room knew. Cragen was only told that if she needed to be contacted, they would have one chance coming up in a few days when Olivia will come back to report her progress to the feds. They promised to give her any messages at that time, but any other time would be too dangerous. Elliot's only hope was to send her a letter. Apologizing, confessing… anything he could think of to make her come back.

_I'm just a blank sheet of paper_

_This fool's about to write you a letter _

_To tell you that he's sorry __For the way he did you wrong _

_To ask for your forgiveness_

_For leavin__'__ you alone_

They had a fight again. Right before she left to work with the feds. Star was preparing her; telling her what to say and how to act according to what she knew about the case. Elliot showed up in the door way and cleared his throat. Star looked from his smiling, friendly face to her mirrored expression.

"An' all get out of your way. Ya'll just hurry; we need to get going soon." Morrison said in her southern accent.

"Hey, Liv…"

"God, El," she said nodding her head towards his injuries. He was with Morrison earlier and while searching a house they had found, and set off, explosives. It wasn't that bad. Elliot Stabler is always in and out of the hospital for something.

"Yeah, Olivia, that's kind of the reason I wanted to talk to you," he started, knowing her already strained smile would fade. It was a miracle she could smile in his company after everything that had gone on in their relationship.

She looked up at Elliot questioningly, "why?"

"Well, I don't want you to go undercover with Haley. I know Star thinks she's on the feds' side, but, what if she's not?"

"El, I don't think I'm following you. Do you know something that we don't, 'cause now would be the time to tell me?" she said still confused.

"Liv, look, we already know this case has a lot of dangers in it and I can't let you go. Look, I've already been injured. Just please don't do this. Get someone else."

"What the hell? Elliot, I've lived my whole life without a father; I don't need you to take up that role and 'protect' me from _doing my job_."

Okay, so that didn't work. He couldn't tell her the whole truth, though. He didn't want her to go because it was dangerous and he could not stand losing her. Instead of just confessing his reasoning, he made up a quick lie.

"Olivia, listen, it's already dangerous and I think it'll be much harder for you to avoid that danger, especially after the Gitano case. Obviously you haven't been on your 'A game' since then, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten close enough to hurt you, and the boy would not be dead!"

"You son of a bitch! That's what this is about? You keep blaming me for everything that goes wrong. Why is that? I've already told you he was using the kid as a shield. Obviously our break away from each other didn't give you enough time to think…"

"No I just don't want you to go because I don't want to have to babysit you like I had to that day. I can't keep doing your job for you, so if I keep you out of danger to begin with, we'll only have half of the shit to worry about than we would if we had to worry about watching your back and correcting your screw-ups."

"Oh, I see," Olivia said disgusted, her eyes cold. She picked up her jacket and walked out of the room.

_He's been lookin down at me _

_It seems like forever _

_He takes the top on and off his pen _

_It's like he can't decide _

_Just what he wants to say _

_If he'd just tell the truth _

_I'd be on my way_

So he messed everything up, and something did go terribly wrong in the undercover operation, and he heard Olivia fixed it by staying undercover. He also heard she was given the choice to go or stay. She went. Elliot didn't blame her for that. Everyone thought his constant rage and anger was at Olivia. They were wrong. His anger was _caused_ by Olivia, but he was angry at himself. This letter he is writing would be his way to explain to her what he really meant. If he told the truth, it would explain everything.

_But he just stares at me _

_And I just stare at him _

_He don't know where to start _

_To say he doesn't want it to end _

_Now it's one hour later _

_And I'm still a blank sheet of paper_

He wants this letter to make her come back. He wants her to be in his life. He wants to tell her he loves her, but how? How can he explain that everything was because he was trying to deny the feelings he had for her? She was probably still angry at him; probably still confused. There wasn't much wrong with their relationship until the Gitano case. A few arguments here and there usually started because of their personal lives. That makes sense, though. If he loves her, of course he'd be jealous of any personal life she'd have, especially when his was falling apart because he was married but in love with another woman. He just couldn't explain what he felt. If he could just pour his heart out on the paper…

_The sunlight is shin__i__n__g__ through the curtains _

_He's almost asleep pen in hand _

_There's a tear in his eye _

_That refuses to fall _

_If it would land on me _

_That would say it all_

He's been at his desk for hours. He was still at work, sitting across from her empty desk. The other detectives look at him knowing exactly what he was doing and what was making him feel this bad, though he told no one. Munch and Fin send him sympathetic looks, but Elliot doesn't notice them. He just stares at the paper and ignores Cragen's order to pack up and go home to take some time off.

_But he just stares at me _

_I just stare at him _

_He don't know where to start _

_T__o say he doesn't want it to end _

_Now it's four hours later _

_And I am still a blank sheet of paper_

Olivia's return into his life all depends on this letter and he still doesn't know how to talk to her. He thought it would've been easier to tell her on paper than in person, but it has proven to be even more difficult. Usually when they're together, Olivia seems to know everything he's thinking. He then realizes that if she never comes back, he'll never have that again. All of their past moments will be just that; _past_. His heart feels as though it was swollen to full size and then ripped out. They had a wonderful friendship and partnership and he may never get that back. It was his fault.

_And he just stares at me_

_I just stare at him _

_He don't know where to start _

_To say he wants it back again _

_One broken heart later _

_And I'm still a blank sheet of paper_

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